I Wish I Knew How To Quit You....

I have a love/hate relationship with HBO.

Television-viewing hasn't played much of a part in my regular routine for quite a few years. By the time I turned 30, I had all but completely weaned myself from most tv programs save for "The Sopranos". I mean, I *had* to watch it...my heritage and all, y'know.

So when the fun-loving, warm and fuzzy family drama that was "The Sopranos" phased out a couple years ago, I thought I was going to finally be free from "must watch tv". I followed FX's "Nip/Tuck" for a couple seasons, but sadly, that program became rather mundane and mindless. I might tune in on occasion to HBO shows like "Entourage" or "Big Love", but wasn't feeling particularly committed either way. I began to debate whether or not to even keep paying for HBO...its not like they premiere movies anymore or anything. Did I even *need* a television? These are tough economic times, after all. I could save a nice chunk of change if I just put the kibash on satellite cable services altogether. Make a statement even. Live tv-free.

I was so close...*so* god damn close to giving it all up. Then HBO, in near Godfather-like fashion, seduced me once again. Every time I think I'm out, they pull me right back in.

Those HBO goons know exactly what they're doing. Despite their penchant for taking ridiculous hiatuses in between seasons of their top television programs, they *know* how to suck viewers in. Literally.

Now I'm fucking obsessed all over again. It started last year with "True Blood". Apparently the show is premised on some vampire literary chronicles which I've never even heard of, but Alan Ball, phenomenal writer/director of the television series, has taken the books premise and totally run with it. "True Blood" is filled with sex, violence, magic, subtle political undertones, more sex, and supernatural creatures sexin' it up with humans left and right. Now I ask, what is there not to love about a show that touches on each of those themes?!

Speaking of sex, the newest HBO program this season is another keeper. "Hung" premiered a couple weeks ago and yes, I am falling for this quirky com-dram too. In "Hung", the protoganist is a down-on-his-luck high school teacher/coach who starts turning tricks with the ladies in order to keep the bill collectors at bay. What I find most intriguing is the whole pimpification process of the male that is taking place in this show. The concept of "Hung" is unlike any before it...how often has there been a television program in which the main character, a white male, is portrayed through the lens of objectification and the female gaze? Not very often. I like the way this show is throwing out a potentially new way to explore sexuality, the commodification of relationships, and flipping the popular notion of (female) gendered sex work on its head. Looks intriguing, indeed.

Damn you, HBO. Will you never set me free???

Things I Hate Right Now

In the blog-o-verse, there are quite a number of "things-I-am-currently-loving" lists I see posted with regularity. I confess that I even subscribe to a shiny, happy, sunny little blog called 1000 Awesome Things, in which the authors post a running list of items, experiences and ideas that bring joy to their lives. Everyone needs a pick-me-up at times and I'm a firm believer that the more you recognize with gratitude in your life, the more open you become to receiving even greater happiness.

Having said that, for all that is good and wonderful in life, there are some pretty suck-ass fucking things that piss me off. All too often I hold in that which irks me. I'm also smart enough to know that a lot of what pisses me off is my own reaction to situations that I fuck up all on my own, but hey, I'm but a mere mortal. Someday I'll get it right. Maybe.

In any case, I've decided it might be "therapeutic" to create a list of things I am hating. Maybe "hate" isn't the best word, but it feels good to embrace hate right now. Negativity is a draining emotion and sometimes, its best to just let it out in a safe place. Y'know...get shit off one's chest.

My Hate List

• Meetings. Jesus Christ, was there ever another time suck of an activity where people merely gather to spit out their own agenda to a room full of people who are too busy tuning out, thinking about anything other than what is being talked about?
• High humidity. And people who say they love hot, sticky weather. WTF?? I'm never more de-motivated and energy-depleted than when I'm stuck in a hot, stuffy atmosphere. Also, humidity seriously fucks up my hair.
  
• Those Sarah MaClachlan Humane Society commericals featuring abused animals and one of her sappy, tear-jerking songs playing in the background. Good lord. I have to immediately change the channel when those commercials come on television.
  
• Terrestrial radio. I no longer have a CD player in my car and my sirius satellite radio is in-house only. I can never seem to find a radio station that plays more than one listen-able song in a row. What's worse is tuning into a station playing a song I dig and catching the last few bars of the tune right before the station lauches into a "three for Thursday Iron Maiden song-fest". Ick.
  
• Realizing I forgot to refill the ice cube tray.
• Discovering I have all the patience in the world for the clients I work for and little of it left over for the people who mean the most to me.
• People who initiate conversation by saying, "Can I tell you something?", when what they really mean is they are *going* to tell me whether I want to hear it or not.
• Slackers. I'm all for taking work-breaks and realize sometimes its more effective to take some time to rejuvenate so that the work can be better tackled after a lax period. But when I get the sense that there is little to no work ethic involved, I just want to slap these individuals. Repeatedly.
• Feeling vulnerable. Being afraid to trust my heart and unable to say what's in it.
  
• Parents who completely lose it on their children in stores or other public places. Sure, kids can be a handful and everyone is allowed to have a bad day. But there is no reason to scream like a lunatic and order a kid who is probably under 8 years old to "take control of your siblings" when it is clear that the parental figure has no concept of self-control whatsover in the first place.
• Glossy, "women's magazines".
  
• Forgetting what the answer to my "secret question" is when I'm having trouble logging into a website or program application.
  
• Women who tear each other down in the workplace. This is so unnecessary, disempowering, and a horrible way to set back any progress females have made in the working world.
• Feeling unfocused.
  
• Bottom lines and numbers games.
  

Ok. I feel a little better now. The "venom" has been released. For the moment. ;)

PaganKinktress Hits The Air Waves This Saturday

I'm excited to announce that I am going to be a guest on renowned sexologist, author/entertainer, Dr. Susan Block's radio show this Saturday!

The show airs live beginning at 11pm West Coast time and I should be brought on at around 11:15pm (2:15am, EST). I do hope you'll be able to give a listen.

An open letter to SHP

Sometimes I think about the whole idea of power exchange...and it dawns on me...I don't just want to exchange power with you, I want to rip it from you. Take it. Own it as mine. Make you question whether you ever had it in the first place.

I don't want you to just "give" me that power over you; I want to *have* power over you. I don't want you to have to be ok with whatever I ask or request of you; I want you to do whatever I want, or you're fucked. I want it, you do it. Make you totally vulnerable. Conform to my whims or I go. Simple, really.

Yeah, yeah. I know. That sounds so wrong. What about "consent", some will ask.

Fuck consent.

I'm by no means perfect. I'm absent-minded...I'm moody...I'm indecisive at times. I whine and I bitch. I'm a live wire, a loose cannon underneath a seemingly calm exterior. My own world sometimes seems to spin out of control at the speed of light. But. I need to rule your world sometimes too. Why? I don't know exactly. I don't feel the need to rule anyone else's world--not in the way I want from you. Maybe its a way I seek to find balance, who knows?

And you. You're pretty close to perfect, in my book. I mean, no one is *perfect*, but as far as submissive, fucktoy, bitch boi, sexyhotpets go--yeah. You're fucking beautiful that way, baby.

So. You asked me what I was thinking about when I said I needed to play with you soon. So. This is what I'm thinking.

Its not too much to ask now, is it?

XOXO
Me

Call for action: Boycott The Enquirer

I admit, one of my dirty little secrets is that I enjoy celebrity gossip. I think I inherited this from my mom. When I was growing up, there were always copies of The Star, The Enquirer, The Globe and other rag mags laying around our house. Of course, American culture has been trained to worship celebrity as well, so I suspect that indulging in celebrity gossip is a kind of universal mechanism for distraction for many of us.

But. There is simply no excuse for what a couple of reporters at The Enquirer did recently. The mother of actor Brooke Shields, who resides in an assisted living facility for the elderly, was taken out on pass by Enquirer "journalists" who pretended to be friends of the woman. Ms. Shields suffers from dementia, which means that her judgment and capacity to make sound decisions is impaired. I do not know the degree of memory impairment of Ms. Shields, but I do know that if one is placed in an assisted living facility, its fairly reasonable to assume that one needs some level of supervision at all times.

These reporters are the fucking lowest of the low. They took this woman out of her home, her familiar, safe setting, in a supposed attempt to "get a juicy story" about her celebrity daughter Brooke Shields. Assisted living facilities in my state are typically pretty flexible with residents being able to come and go, but I cannot believe that the staff at this residence thought nothing at all about these strangers showing up to take the elder Shields out for lunch out of nowhere. I smell a lawsuit.

Are there really no boundaries when it comes to "getting the story"? Beyond that, it saddens and angers me to think that adults could knowingly take advantage of the confused mental state of an old woman and feel ok with what they do and who they are.

I call for a boycott of The Enquirer. Celebrity gossip at best, is a fun, light, escapist diversion in American culture. But there is no way any medium that sucks the gossip cock to the extent of kidnapping and deceiving a demented old woman should be condoned on any level at all.

Sickening.

It's official; I'm sexy....

The luscious, lickable, and very lusty Pantherapardus thoughtfully named me as one of the recipients of this Sexy Blogger Award. Of course, now I'm all tickled and naturally quite flattered to be selected to participate in this fun little meme.

It requires that I post five sexy thing about myself and then pass the torch along to four other bloggers who I find particularly hot.

My Five Sexy Things

1. I talk dirty. Like, explicitly so. This of course is contextual and situational, but I have no problem whatsoever defining exactly what filth I plan to inflict and extract from someone who turns me on. I'm all about being vocal on all imaginable levels. Just ask SHP.
   


2. My hair. It's long, dark, wild and curly. Very bohemian. Women often are jealous of it, men are often fascinated by it. Don't hate me; I was born this way. ;)
   


3. I love to explore sexuality in all of its contexts, and fluidity. If there's a boundary, then I want to push it. If it feels good, then I want to try it. Hedonist, maybe. Pleasurist, definitely.
   


4. My intelligence. I am quick witted and am in love with learning. I never want to stop learning and look for lessons and connections in everything.


5. Sensuality. I believe life should be experienced in a sensual, erotic way. It doesn't have to be overtly sexual to be sensual or enjoyable.
   

My 4 picks:

1. Roxy. She's gorgeous, she's open-minded and a total trip on Twitter.
   


2. ACryFromTheSoul. She's smart, thoughtful and very poetic.


3. Mina. Because...she's Mina.


4. Persephone. She's beyond mythical proportions.
   

What Is Sexy?

Tonight I've been thinking about what defines sexy or erotic. Sexiness really has little to do with physical characteristics and what one person finds desirable, another might be indifferent toward.

While twatting the night away, I decided it would be a curious little endeavor pose the question, "How do you define sexy?"

Here is what some of the twitterati had to say about what is sexy...


SableSnow@pagankinktress Knowledge does it for me. Physical looks area always nice, but I prefer someone who can turn me on mentally

pantherapardus@pagankinktress Brains. Geekiness. Confidence without arrogance. Certain scents. Certain pitches of voice.

purplehayz@pagankinktress Big eyes, confidence, smile, witty conversation, a well-timed wink, a gentle caress

SweetSpiced@pagankinktress Rain on bare skin, laughter, spelling ability, creativity, kilts, desire, intelligence, openness, strength, lips, eyes.

ChantersNod@pagankinktress What I find sexy is skin struggling against skin in a pool of sweat. and the red interior of a mouth.


And here is a small sampling of my favorite sexy things....

thunderstorms, corsets, laughter, creativity, the full Moon, diversity, large vocabularies, goofiness, acoustic guitars, the smell & taste of cigars, reminding SHP he is a sexyhotfilthygorgeousbisexualbitchcockhungrywhore, bodies of water, snowflakes on tongues, angry sex, lions, purple, tribal drums, biting flesh & leaving marks, the word "please" spoken breathlessly, this quote from Sojourner Truth: "It is the mind that makes the body", kissing and licking eyelids, necks waiting to be gnawed at>>>like the noble, luscious, elegant neck of Amanda Palmer:


This insanely erotic watermelon-eating scene from the movie "The Wayward Cloud":




This poem by Pablo Neruda:

Ode To Clothing —

Each morning you’re waiting
My clothing, on a chair
For me to fill you
With my vanity, my love
My hope, my body
I hardly
Have gotten out of sleep
I say goodbye to the water
I enter into your sleeves
My legs look for
The hollowness of your legs
And so embraced
By your tireless faithfulness
I go out to walk in the grass
I enter into poetry
I look through windows
At things
Men, women,
Deeds and struggles
Keep forming me
Keep coming against me
Laboring with my hands
Opening my eyes
Using up my mouth
And so,
Clothing,
I also keep forming you
Poking out your elbows
Snapping your threads
And so your life grows
Into the image of my live.
In the wind
You ripple and rustle
As if you were my soul.
In bad minutes
You stick
To my bones
Empty, through the night
Darkness, sleep
Populate with their fantasies
Your wings and mine.
I ask
If one day
A bullet
From the enemy
Might leave a spot of my blood on you
And then
You would die with me
Or maybe
It won’t all be
So dramatic
But simple
And you’ll just get feeble,
Clothing,
Growing old
With me, with my body
And together
We will enter
The earth.
That’s why
Every day
I greet you
With reverence and then
You embrace me and I forget you
Because we are just one
And we’ll keep going on together
Against the wind, in the night
The streets, or the struggle
One single body
May be, may be, some time will be immobile.

And this song....

Aye, pappi indeed....